“Bastard”…

I was outside with some guys from work while they had a smoke on our last break before we close up at 1am.

We were talking about all the things our parents used to say to us,
“I brought you into this world, I can take you out”.
“Don’t be a smartass”.
“I’ll sell you to the gypsies if you don’t behave”.
Etc.

It made me think of the story that mum has told me about 100000 times, and it makes me laugh so hard every time I hear it.
I ended up telling it to the boys and got laughs and a high five!

It goes like this,

When I was about two years old, I was going to a daycare here in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia, up on Bella Vista road. It was called The Growing Place.

We had gone outside to some sort of outing at a park, like the Halifax Public Gardens, or Dartmouth Commons or something like that, and it was Autumn.
There were leaves all over the place and we were apparently all having a huge laugh. Being two years old, I certainly don’t remember this, but when I hear the story, these are the things I picture; Autumnal scene, crisp air and all that. Kids with little mittens, booties and hats, etc. So cute.

Well, at two years old, even now at my twenty four years, I love playing in the leaves. The smell is amazing, everything is airy, crisp and beautiful. I was born a witch, duh.

Anyway, I was playing in the leaves, when some kid came up and kicked leaves in my face. This wouldn’t be a big thing except some leaves went in my mouth and I was NOT IMPRESSED at this.

So, I proceeded to defend myself by saying the only thing I could in that situation… I stood up, pushed the poor child into a pile, and yelled out, “You BASTARD”.

Keep in mind, I was all of three years old at the most.
I can only imagine the look on Suey’s face, as well as the other daycare leaders. I can ONLY imagine.

I guess what followed was my mother and father being dragged into the head office at the daycare and having new assholes torn into them seventeen ways from Sunday, asking where I managed to learn this word. They denied ever teaching it to me or knowing how I would have found out, but to this day, I swear it must have been them, hahaha. I doubt that, actually, but I suppose we shan’t ever truly know!! Unless I go for some hypnotherapy or something… which I should invest in anyway, given how messed I am.. *twitch*

Anyway, I hope this gave you cause to laugh, because it makes me roar laughing every time my mother tells it to me. Father denies it, because I think he’s mortified. He can’t even handle me saying “Goddamn”, let alone “Bastard”. Poor man would stroke out on the spot.

xxxxx

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