It’s definitely been one helluva week ladies and gents.
I’m desperate for this evening to be over so I can go home and crawl into bed, with the hope of sleeping for a full 8-9 hours, given I’ve missed out on at least 3 weeks worth or more of sleep lately. My goodness.
M is out partying tonight, started early at about 4pm. I wish I didn’t have as many concerns, and trust issues as I do.
I called him before I started work and talked to him about my concerns. He told me I have no reasons to be worried or jealous, which I know – however the pain, the hurt and insecurities I have and have experienced….years worth….they can’t just go away overnight. We’ve been together since the very end of October, so I know that we’re not exactly new at this, either of us, together or through own experiences; still, not overnight.
I trust him so much. And that’s what is scary. How much I do trust him, and how deeply I love him.
That was a shitkicker in and of itself, realizing how much I love him. Scared the shit out of me. Still does. He knows this, I know it. It causes me to miss him and ache for him. Also scary.
He’s been partying before, and is always busy or doing something, and he’s never given me any reason to doubt him, or not trust him. In fact I’ve brought him close to the edge of me just by accusing him through my concerns. I’ve hurt him deeply twice because of my doubts and lack of trust. He trusts me completely. And he loves me completely. He wants to marry me, and when I look into my future, I see me with him forever. So much so that one lifetime doesn’t seem enough.
Oh my god, I’m going to force myself into a panic attack here….
Anyway, I’m at work and shouldn’t get all emotional and deep, even while on my lunch, I’ll never recover, haha.
It’s ridiculous at work. Busy and just….ridiculous.
I need this evening to be over, so I can just go home and sleep.
I wanted to update because I had those things rolling around in my head. Now they’re out…. It’s kinda boring, I know.
Take care all