Intense Confusion

Family is a matter of the heart to me. If I do not love you, respect you, or care for you deeply, you are not apart of my family. 

Some do not understand that, nor do they want to, however that’s their opinion, their feelings. Just because marriage exists in families, or because you’ve been “apart” of the family for more than 10 years, really truly does not mean that we are FAMILY. IF something happened to you, would I be upset?; I would be upset for the loss of life within the Universe, but I would not cry for my loss. I would do so for those who did love you, for those who considered you family. 

All of that being said; why the hell do you think you can speak to me of things that you both know nothing of, and have no business in as it is? What an awkward position you put me in, asking about the marriages of those around me, as well as my own marriage. I would relish seeing the look on your face if I turned around and started inquiring into your marriage that you’ve had for 20+ years, just to find any dirt or gossip. I would never be invited back to a family function ever again, and if I chose not to give a shit, I’d be ridiculed and slandered constantly. 

SO, family… is a matter of the heart; I can share with them all my dreams, fears and parts of my heart and soul that very few actually get the chance to embrace all of that. 

I have so many things I need to get off my chest, but even if I try to put fake names or made up scenarios, the biggest issue is that I won’t be true to myself, and I need to do that in order to get stuff off my chest, herpa derp. 

Frustration levels high, in regards to the desire to actually write. I like writing, I like getting things out; I like writing in a journal so that I can actually say names and mention scenarios, but again… there is something neato about writing online. 

Anyway, I don’t understand why some people find it so difficult to understand where I am coming from, WHEN I’VE GIVEN THEM the time to even voice any of this. 

Weirdly enough, I don’t actually PRY, I am not nosy as all sin and hell; I am concerned and people know that, along with the fact I wear my heart on my sleeve. 

Just because all of that is known of me, it does not give people the right, or the assumption, to just take it on their own minds that I will gossip, and be disrespectful of the people in my life that I care for. 

 

I do apologize, actually no I don’t… 

What I meant to say is that I just didn’t mean for that to become a huge rant; just a venting session. That’s all. 

Anyway, I need to get a shower and have more tea made. The workers are still in the house for the renovations, and I won’t have the option for all the bathroom things tomorrow morning. Le sigh. Can’t wait for it to be finished, as it will be amazing. 

 

Alright. I took a small break – my own emotions were running high, and I needed to grab a shower. I am out now, and now I need to get more tea. I will let this stew out in the Universe and the interwebs for a little bit before coming back to it, or the blog. 

Blessings. 

 

Public, Private, or Chosen?

I know that I have mentioned this before, and wondering whether or not it should happen, but as of late, I have things that I would like to get off my chest without having to worry about the things that others need to say. Literally just to use this as a journal.

Like I said, I often think this. I enjoy the actual act of writing, but there is something more permanent, more… there, about writing online; mostly because once it’s there, you can’t ever really get rid of it. Whereas in a book, you can burn it, which I’ve done before, or get rid of it another way. Online… I don’t know – there is a cool atmosphere about it and a bit of a flow that doesn’t seem to take place in my journals. I really don’t understand it.

However, all of that being said, I wonder what it would be like to cut off my thoughts from those that care, or have some thoughts of their own in regards to mine. Like my Witch Sister Fae, and London, as well as a few others that make themselves known. And then to think that it would all go away, unless they have an account, or the password that is protecting the file in and of itself. So I am conflicted. Hugely. I have so many things that I want to say, and get off my chest – INPUT PLEASE!

 

xxxxx

-Asa

It’s Been So Long

I do apologize. 

I have missed writing. Especially since I took the time to write in my journal last night. I dislike being cooped up into my head. I wrote in my journal last night and this morning, and for some reason it didn’t help. I thought taking myself offline and out of any sort of light, would stop me from being so negative. Instead of I’ve shielded and protected constantly and have made some awesome little changes in my life, and to my thoughts, etc, so I have come a long way. I will be more active I think. 

 

It would be nice. To talk about faith still, about the days that have come and gone; the ones to come. How work is going, without going into too much detail of course, and other things. That I need to get out. 

 

First thing – I am so hoping that I can go to a day shift; I experienced it when I went into Escalations training at work and I couldn’t believe how easily I took to it, and embraced it. I never thought it would really work to my advantage, my self-esteem and my mental health. I’m very excited to talk to the boss at work to get that shift. Even if it takes a couple months because of the shift bids to come up. 

 

Anyways, I need to go really quickly. I need to get some tea and maybe some rice and such for a late lunch. I hope to write later as well; lots more that I need to get out. 

I hope you’re doing well, and I most certainly hope that my Witch Sister, Fae, knows that I am thinking about her, and the ring still buzzes on my finger. I am so excited to stash a bit of money away for the first weekend of June, roughly, so that I can head down to their place and cast Circle in their very missed yard that I remember so well; having just moved back into it a few weeks ago, as the Universe, in an odd way, brought their old place back into lives at full force when something happened. 

So, yay 🙂 

That being said, and an extra few minutes added against my tea, I need to go for a little bit. 

Love, light, and brightest blessings! xxxx

-Asa