Blogging can be addictive. I would know, I’ve had two before in the past.
One wound up causing a lot of drama, and a way for 3 very bad people to stalk me; the second, I lost passion for because I just didn’t know what to write anymore.
The itch and need to say/blog everything that comes to mind can be quite overwhelming.
For instance, to tell you that I’m actually writing this post in my notebook at work, and that my right eye is twitching, is foolish. But I just did. Addictive.
Because of this, I’m very glad that BlackBerry and WordPress released another version of the WordPress application, because to be honest, the previous version was simply atrocious; freezing, locking, not sending, or uploading, not allowing the addition of media, even though it swore up and down that it did. Terrible.
So activating and using it on the bus while writing my previous novel, complete with media and not having to worry about draft time outs, left me quite enamored.
I find blogging to be very therapeutic, and I’m almost positive that you’ll see pictures and read posts are have nought do with my studies, but I do wish that you’ll read all the same.
When I’m work, or perhaps on break, I may take a picture for you, of this notebook and post so far, to at least give you an idea of what I’m doing, and that I’m not lying.
I do have a novel with me this evening, but as I said before, it’s very distracting and wholly addicting to just write and write.
A fellow witch sister of mine actually just informed me that she’s attempting to create her own blogging account. Right on.
Something that I do need to talk about : Prayer. Shout outs. Givings. Snippets. Ditties.
Whatever you’d like to call them.
I realize that this may be rather upsetting to a great deal of my readers, however, in order for me to grow within my own faith, I must first grow beyond the past, and the things that I can’t seem to shake.
During my slightly agonizing stint in the Roman Catholic church, I was told two things that upset me to the core; I doubt I’ll ever forget them.
1) Thinking the moon is beautiful, adoring the moon, or referring to the moon as a “she”, is of the utmost disgust – it’s devil worship at its’ finest and people can and will be excommunicated immediately.
2)When asking something from God, don’t bother asking at all.
One day, I had gone out on a limb, and decided to ask God for patience, as I felt I needed patience at the time. My became progressively unbearable and when I arrived home, I spoke with those that shared my home; I received a unanimous answer across the board.
“When you’ve asked for patience, He won’t make it easier for you, for He will think you without humility to do so. He will give you all the things you cannot stand, all these obstacles to overcome, so as to teach yourself the patience you needed.”
Now, for those that have faith in that – Cool. To each their own and I do not judge. However, that shocked me to quite an extent.
All the teachings provide you with strict words abiding to stay with Him, to lean on Him, and take comfort from Him.
How does one achieve that when you’ve been modest, and humble enough to lean, to come to Him for help, and He dishes out loads of the exact same thing you’ve asked for help with?
If He were a friend that I came to and asked, “I need your help with this math problem, will you kindly help me?”, to have Him turn around and say,
“No, but, here are four more math problems which you can simply learn for yourself, without my help, to keep you humble; and once you’ve gone mental, asked for help again, because you’ve gone crazy, you will eventually come to me and thank me for the fact I basically punished you for coming to me, even though you don’t have any other choice than to do…exactly all that.”
*Keep in mind I am actually using quotes from the Pastor at the church I had attended – I am not slandering*
If all of that happened, I would tell Him where to go, and how to get there.
How dare it be dictated that He is the almighty I can lean on, to confide in, when in reality that had been explained to me, He does nothing more than give you more of what you ails/upsets you, just to see if you can do it on your own.
Now, after having said all that, my issue with praying/prayer, even to the good Lord and Lady themselves, or my pantheon deities, stems from my fear of actually going to them for the same help I went to God for.
In circle, through rite and ritual, you are in prayer; prayer in motion. It is sensual and beautiful, connected and ever-lasting. However, saying a little ditty to whomever during daily tasks, or what you choose, should -no-, could be a part of your faith as a Pagan/Witch, to help you feel as connected as you would while in circle, for any reason.
That being said, I can’t. Not for lack of wanting and trying.
I just cannot get through the crippling fear of being brought forth to an ex-tenuous situation while seeking help from such.
Gods and Goddesses are not supposed to punish, they should aide, nurture, and eternally love.
That brings this post to an end, sadly.
I have 11 pages of that handwritten post to work through. I was going to type it all up right now, but I’m only on page 3 and I am exhausted. It’s almost 2am, here. I will continue tomorrow morning while I’ve taken a break from packing and laundry.
Love and light, with many blessings.